Shawshank

Gerry Dee (or Mister D) has a book out called Teaching: It's Harder Than It Looks. I won't sit here and recommend it or dissuade you from it because the book is very much like the once-teacher-now-comedian. If you've ever watched his TV show or seen his stand up and liked him, then you'll probably like the book and if you want to roll your eyes at him or strangle him to death with a bendable ruler, then you should probably steer clear. My point is that in the book, he talks about how people, even other teachers, think that gym teachers have it easy. This is the same for drama teachers.

Sure, our marking can be pretty easy in the sense that when exam time comes around we are not usually swamped with 90+ exams to mark because most of our exams are performance-based. But while our marking is easy, our profession make up for that in how hard it is to run the class. In a regular classroom you have desks and chairs and a chalkboard (or whiteboard) and the students are conditioned to sit. You can move students around if they can't be near each other. You can make one face the wall. You can even place a kid in a desk outside. In drama you have an open class room with no desks or chairs and sometimes there are props and other things students can get their hands on to 'play with'. It's been compared to a lot of things: herding cats, a war zone, a jungle. My comparison at the moment is that high school is like prison.

In prison (at least stereotypically  I haven't had the opportunity yet to stay in prison to get an accurate depiction of the place) you have your cells where the inmates spend most of their days. They're small, confined, and the prisoners are generally well behaved. The cells are like the 'academic' subjects. Math, English, Science - anywhere that there's a structured environment.

When the bell rings, it's the same as when prisoners move to the cafeteria or for showers or to work. There's chances here of something going wrong, but it's kept to a minimum because there's a lot of teachers/prison guards around. Even the cafeteria is the same since every day there's the worry/threat of a fight breaking out and how will or won't sit at your table while you eat. Sometimes the students (inmates) even question the cafeteria food and if you're lucky your favourite relative sent you a care package of cookies that you can eat or share with your enemy that you need to make friends with.

And then there's Drama. Drama is like the free-time yard in prison. It's an under-staffed confined space where you can roam around and interact with anyone you please. You know that guy who's really annoying to you every other class? That girl who wrote something mean on your Facebook wall? Now's the time to get revenge. If you want to "shank" someone, it'll be in drama. And if you're smart about it, you'll do it within the confines of a drama activity so the prison guard (teacher) has a hard time disciplining you for it.

It's hard as a teacher to always see this coming. Sometimes you do and you can be all over the situation before it develops into something more and sometimes, much like a prison guard, you get distracted by something over to the left and then the people to the right take full advantage and make their move.

Now it's not always like this, but sometimes it can feel like it is. I'm sure some students feel the same way, too. There's not a lot that can be done about it. You throw enough adolescences into the same place and make them put up with each other, you're bound to have some issues.

"I almost, like, cried. Seriously."

Student: "Do you hang out with other teachers?"

Me: "Yep."

Student: "REALLY?!"

Me: "...Yes?"

Student: "Oh my God! That is too cute!"

Me: "It is?"

Student: "Yes!! When I found out *Teacher A* and *Teacher B* did things together with their children, too, I almost, like, cried. Seriously."

~*~

I had this conversation with a female student I taught last year. Who, by the way, says I'm her favourite teacher (yes, I know, she probably tells that to all the teachers), but I did give her an apple and some chocolate after school because she was hungry and she told me that she learned that the word 'a lot' is two separate words and not 'alot' because I showed my class last year a website on it (Thanks, Hyperbole and a Half!)

What's interesting, too, is that after this conversation she went on to say that she thought there'd be a lot of bullying and resentment in the workplace (she works at MacDonalds with, no doubt, people her own age so I'm sure she's speaking from experience.) And you know what I said back? I told her the truth. Yes, there is bullying and resentment and petty arguments. People are people. Sometimes the arguments change and sometimes they don't, but it never really goes away. I mean, I remember my grandmother once complaining how she knew another elderly lady in the apartment complex must have hidden the last piece of the puzzle just to spite her and her friends who work on puzzles in the common room because that woman was "a miserable woman." It was then I realized that a part of high school always travels with you.

A High School Teacher Problem

There comes a time when you are walk up to two of your students who look like they might be ready to pound the ever-living crap out of each other and somehow get between them only to realize you are not the biggest one in the room. It's a bit of a surreal moment because you're at least ten years older than these children, but they are not only taller, but broader (sometimes heavier) and on occasion much stronger than you.

I noticed this first when I was supplying a grade eleven class in the morning when I first started teaching. Everyone got up for O Canada and I couldn't see the students in the back of the room. That is always disconcerting when you're a supply teacher because who knows what those kids in the back - probably kids who usually sit in the front on the seating plan - are doing. So, like many women in my position (and some men, I'm sure), I try and compensate with heels.

Heels are great for height, except, you know, they're painful to stand on for too long if you're wearing heels with any actual height to them. Not to mention if you are wearing tall heels and something like a fight breaks out down the hallway - God help you in getting there on time if you need to run. But heels, or even stilts if you're really desperate, can't help you in a drama room. The drama room are socks-only territory. The drama room is where everyone's equal... or, not really.

Seriously, there is nothing worst than trying to be the adult in the room, trying to gain control of a situation that might go violent at any moment, and realizing that if one of the kids actually does decide to do something, you will probably be next to useless. Some of the grade nines I've had over the years (and currently) could almost literally crush me. Lucky for me, most of the kids don't realize that. I still wield some unforeseen power of control (which usually consists of two letters and a word: VP office). So, as long as no one tells students that teachers are completely and utterly human (except for a few), we'll all be fine.

Hopefully.

Teachers Can Be Boring

Students generally think teachers are one of two things. Either we live really boring or really exciting lives. I’m not sure about you, but when I was in elementary school, I was pretty sure some of my teachers simply lived in the school. I never saw them leave (now I realize it’s just because I never went near the parking lot and teachers drove) and they were always there before I was there and my parents made me go to school early. Of course, I never found where they slept, but that didn’t stop me from thinking it. In high school, most kids have matured enough that they realize teachers go home and (try) to have some sort of life of their own. 

The students who think we live boring lives come in all forms. Some of them roll their eyes at you when you try to share something you did over the weekend as if to say “Why do you think we even care miss?” These students are fun to mess with because when you see that kind of attitude start to bubble up into the surface, you should just make the short story into a lengthy, detailed story. Oh... is that just me?

 Another kind of student who often thinks your boring is the student who’s matured enough from elementary to understand that you go to a home that isn’t the school, but they think that since you’re a teacher (and therefore old) there is nothing you could possibly be doing in your life worth while. To a lot of teenagers, life ends after college. Maybe that’s why so many of them stay in school for what seems like forever. These kids usually end up saying a lot of surprised “really?!”s when they discover you actually do things (that don’t involve going to the bank, walking the dog, or falling asleep on the couch at 6pm).

But the weirdest kids are the ones who think you live a SUPER INCREDIBLE LIFE OF EXCITEMENT. I say they’re the weirdest only because they don’t seem to realize that everyone in the world does at least one thing that’s boring. They don’t write a lot of comics of Batman brushing his teeth or going shopping for salad dressing because a) Alfred does it and b) it’s boring (which is why Alfred does it). You can spot these kids because they spot you. They yell your name from the end of the hall way “MISS SIMARD!” and then hurry over only to ask you what you did last night. And when you answer “nothing,” the student looks disappointed and says “oh” and then will either slink away as if heartbroken or start asking you random questions as if you were lying about last night’s actions and they will get to the real bottom of things. News flash, children.

 Only 2% of teachers are actually spies and supervillians.

 One time after school I was planning on going to the grocery store. I decided I was going to make a cake from scratch and so I had a list of ingredients I needed, but I wasn’t sure what we had at home so I had to phone my mother (yes, I live at home right now – feel free to judge my rent-free self). So there I am, in the hallway of my school where I teach and a student comes over. By now I had already dialed my mother, but my mother hadn’t picked up yet so I said ‘Hi’ and told him he should go home because school was out and home was more fun than school. Then my mom picked up the other end.

Me: Hey. I’m going to the store. Do you need anything?

This is where I looked up and realized the student was still standing there, staring at me. It should be noted that I was using the top of a garbage can to write the list of groceries on and he was standing on the other side of it about a foot and a half away from me. (He’s a drama student so he doesn’t have a lot of personal space).

Me: Okay. Bread. Got it.... do we have eggs? 

Student is still staring. In fact, he’s taken out some carrots and is eating while observing me. Apparently I’m giving and impromptu live-art performance.

Me: Do we need sugar? 

By now I’ve started a list and he’s leaned in, reading what vegetables and other items I was going to pick up from the grocery store.

 Me: Do we have any flour left? 

Now the student’s moved on the almonds. Munch, much, STARE.

This went on like that for a while until I finished the grocery list and hung up. Which, by the way, is a little weird to say ‘Bye mom’ in front of one of your students, but whatever. Once I hung up, I looked at my student and asked him why he decided to watch me have that good 5 – 10 minute conversation about groceries. Without missing a beat, he shrugged and said: “I thought it’d be more interesting.” Then he just walked away with the rest of his almonds (he didn’t even offer me some for my performance!) and I was left a little stunned because... well, no one ever expects to be watched so intently while comprising a grocery list.

I'm sure there was a teachable moment in there, but I went home and baked a cake instead and that was a delicious and not-quite-so-nutritious lesson.

In The Beginning

It's funny when you go into teaching, no one tells you all the valuable information you should have been given before you committed to a five or six year university career. Everyone knows the basic things like there will be marking and report cards and you'll have to deal with students and parents and most of us are even aware of the long hours and preparation time that will be involved. But there are some things that no one prepares you for.

1) There's the societal aspect. If you want to be a teacher, chances are you've always generally liked teachers (at least one) and so when you do become a teacher you're suddenly faced with the reality that a lot of people hate teachers. Okay, so maybe hate is a strong term. Dislike? Under-appreciate? Mock? Belittle? Begrudge?  There are a lot of adjectives that could be used, but basically, you find out that a lot of people don't want to give you a high-five when they see you. Instead, you get a lot of 'oh, you're a teacher?  This has always left me a bit bewildered. I want to say, "Yes, yes I am a teacher. You're welcome," but I don't have the audacity and I don't feel like getting punched in the face.

However, most teachers don't teach for 'society'. They teach for the children and that's what makes it all worth it, so we deal with the sneers and up-turned noses because we know we're making a difference (and we can fail your children if you're too mean to us.... just kidding).

2) The political aspect. This one sucks. I'm pretty sure politics is an evil entity that was dreamt up by some anthropologist who, after it was instituted, sat back and took a lot of notes and was bemused at how we decided to govern ourselves. Seriously, why do we pay people to be mean to us?

Anyways, politics in education is nothing new. Everyone who's grown up probably remembers a time when the teachers were forced to protest or do something because the government was being a jerk to them. As a student, I never really got it. Sure, I knew the teachers were unhappy, but I didn't really understand why. I just knew I liked my teachers and wanted them to be happy. Now, as a teacher, I'm more aware of the politics, but no one mentioned going into this business that this was something to look out for. Even now as I speak to student teachers, they've told me that the politics happening right now in our very province isn't being touched upon a lot by teacher's college. Why not? I don't know. Ah, politics.

3) The 'I have no idea what I'm doing' aspect otherwise known as 'I'm going to get fired' aspect. This is when you're faced with moments in your teaching career where a student (or students) throw you a curve ball you didn't see coming. These come in all shapes and sizes from serious things that leave you heart broken to things that make your turn bright red and you hope to God no administration will be walking in the door right now because your students have decided to have a loud discussion about genitals and it's a math class you're teaching.

This one is the one no one really thinks about. This is the one they're supposed to teach you in teachers college, but they don't even seem to get in the same time zone of this. No one is given guidelines or coping mechanism. One time I asked my professor in teachers college what to do if you notice a student is touching themselves inappropriate. My professor's response was to eye roll and tell me this was unrealistic. That "that never happens". Well, guess what professor.


The number three aspect is why I think all teachers should go through at least one acting course because that is what we do - we act. We might be behind in our mortgage payments, or have sick children at home, or, if you're like me, just got into a car accident two hours ago, but we come in and we teach like everything's awesome. We're up 'on stage' every day. It's not like an office job where you get to go hide in your cubicle if you feel like crap. Oh no. You could just have broken your new and expensive watch by moving heavy risers with a student and while you feel like crying and being upset, you just continue making jokes and smiling because you, as a teacher, are not about to put any of that icky feeling stuff on a student.

I'm not really sure how this blog is going to evolve, but it will definitely be teaching-related. Stories of the weird and crazy thing students do, thoughts on the stupid or brilliant things that happen in the teaching world, and maybe some political things (but probably not a lot since politics are evil, as I said). Hopefully this will provide other teachers a good laugh and a place to feel like they're not the only one who went through some of teaching's most crazy moments.